Striving for the path

I grew up in the Church and believe whole heartedly in the teachings of the Bible. I have always tried to follow Christ's teaching by reconciling my beliefs with what is best for my body, mind, and spirit outside of the teachings too so that I would never lose them. I find myself at a place where I am having moral dilemmas. I am not in the environment I was brought in. The environment that in my own opinion was entirely legalistic and based in fear. I have not lost my beliefs in the teachings because of my perceptions, "of the dogma."

What am I trying to say? I am trying to say that I am feeling lost. Lost in the sense that I know where I want to be, but do not know how to get there. In the end, it is probably about coming to a decision about what it means to compromise myself. Is it really an all or nothing world? I do not think so, yet how do I find balance so that I do not feel like I am swinging from one side of a pendulum to the other. I want to stand on a balance beam instead of a pendulum. The question is:  how do I get there? Unfortunately, unlike how I have thought about it in the past, it cannot be simply a concrete I will or I will not because A, B, C that I have been taught. It must be an A, B, and C because I believe it to be true, I accept the belief in my life, and it is how I want to live moving forward. Maybe it is about writing down what I believe, how it translates in my life in my day to day life, and committing to live that way regardless of what "comes to pass." I must stop being so "open" to other belief systems. I must have my own beliefs consistent with who I want to be.